My mom just came in the kitchen outta nowhere while I was BAKING. I don't want her shit in my baking post. (Sorry, let's just look at it for a little laugh.)
Well, I read Britney Spears again and her rebellious message of hurting Sarah Brightman, I caught it in the wind. She's just a vicious machine jealous of other people who love Mickey Mouse as much as she does. We're not all up there as kids. Some of us have issues and other dreams and lives.
I saw Pink singing with Lily Allen on TV and I was just like ugh another Ellen DeGeneres contraption. My mom came in and looked at me like I was stupid and tacky and in a feeling way. She leaned over as if to spell N. I made some banging and spilled sugar on the flo'. I think she said I was an accident and she was talking to 1.
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Serious Problem
I can't feel the relationship I had with my mom. I sit across from my dad. I left after doing the dishes.
I will not get close to my biological dad.. I don't wish to discuss what that means. This is getting ridiculous.. and thinking of another word, too. Ow, my head has the effects from that weird guy. Stop reacting like hm yea that means she's in love. GODDAMNIT YOU. I SAID NO. HOW STUPID ARE YOU? I will not be associated with my dad in a whole new way. He's already 63. Not ancient but for some reason over the hill. I think he shoulda eaten like a normal person, same for me.. It seems I ruined the world by not eating American food nor European food. A new topic, yes, people do want to diet, but sometimes that eats us away. I even said we need dessert to keep our metabolism functioning. I read something @ that.
I will not get close to my biological dad.. I don't wish to discuss what that means. This is getting ridiculous.. and thinking of another word, too. Ow, my head has the effects from that weird guy. Stop reacting like hm yea that means she's in love. GODDAMNIT YOU. I SAID NO. HOW STUPID ARE YOU? I will not be associated with my dad in a whole new way. He's already 63. Not ancient but for some reason over the hill. I think he shoulda eaten like a normal person, same for me.. It seems I ruined the world by not eating American food nor European food. A new topic, yes, people do want to diet, but sometimes that eats us away. I even said we need dessert to keep our metabolism functioning. I read something @ that.
Take Him Away!
This is serious, to my therapist and all. I think my dad needs "help." I dunno, but he's originally from Pennsylvania and once lived there all his life about.
He is so crazy @ me thinking THEY WANTED ME TO call Nell Burton a nigger just to make race seem like it doesn't matter what other people will think or say also.
Then he goes back thinking of the store cards I needed to use- and then before me not being in my major in college cuz I was shy there they said and .. trying to get back what I loss and finding hard non-honors! classes .. and I ended up failing and not withdrawing cuz I didn't know what that might say, though years later I got them withdrawn medically it is called I think I may have gotten. I have 1 semester here. My teacher got me withdrawn from a semester that seemed more successful, Bs and Cs. Also, he sneered at when the topic jumped to my life being a glorified experiment, and now with me watching Ellen is the torture experiment to save her sorry ass for something I didn't do!
So, today, at the table, Nell came up and I was thinking all like swift and in a funny friendly way, "hey wanna fight." He somehow tapped into my comfort, like maybe cuz he's lived where we live a little longer, and I don't do mean things like this cuz I'm too good .. like spaghetti was coming outta my head and then turned to horns. It was a totally annoying supper for us.
So, yes, my dad is always being testy. If I tell him nicely he gets mad and threatens to throw me to Lakeside|Aspire. My head really feels disarranged, now. I can't feel something I once felt. You know, recently, I went to Disney Auditions and I just find them so stupid. I look good for the part, and other don't. They're all disarranged and totally fat. I have to wear a belt to hold in my stomach, too, though, I found. He does this through gestures, the way he hits his plate! while eating, what he says that always fits in at an akward, negative moment. I think this think @ Nell is stupid. I really think it's all totally stupid. I wanna know what Ellen thinks. Get it over with, I thought already we don't care @ my dad. :| He knows you're lying. Nothing at all to be done @ that..
He is so crazy @ me thinking THEY WANTED ME TO call Nell Burton a nigger just to make race seem like it doesn't matter what other people will think or say also.
Then he goes back thinking of the store cards I needed to use- and then before me not being in my major in college cuz I was shy there they said and .. trying to get back what I loss and finding hard non-honors! classes .. and I ended up failing and not withdrawing cuz I didn't know what that might say, though years later I got them withdrawn medically it is called I think I may have gotten. I have 1 semester here. My teacher got me withdrawn from a semester that seemed more successful, Bs and Cs. Also, he sneered at when the topic jumped to my life being a glorified experiment, and now with me watching Ellen is the torture experiment to save her sorry ass for something I didn't do!
So, today, at the table, Nell came up and I was thinking all like swift and in a funny friendly way, "hey wanna fight." He somehow tapped into my comfort, like maybe cuz he's lived where we live a little longer, and I don't do mean things like this cuz I'm too good .. like spaghetti was coming outta my head and then turned to horns. It was a totally annoying supper for us.
So, yes, my dad is always being testy. If I tell him nicely he gets mad and threatens to throw me to Lakeside|Aspire. My head really feels disarranged, now. I can't feel something I once felt. You know, recently, I went to Disney Auditions and I just find them so stupid. I look good for the part, and other don't. They're all disarranged and totally fat. I have to wear a belt to hold in my stomach, too, though, I found. He does this through gestures, the way he hits his plate! while eating, what he says that always fits in at an akward, negative moment. I think this think @ Nell is stupid. I really think it's all totally stupid. I wanna know what Ellen thinks. Get it over with, I thought already we don't care @ my dad. :| He knows you're lying. Nothing at all to be done @ that..
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